I am in my dark place

Olive is sleeping next to me on my semi-new comfy bed while I:

-Put a list together of shoes, for customers, that need to be shipped out

-Stress over where the money, to pay for the upcoming medical stuff, is coming from.

-Figure out how to round the edges of my photos digitally.
-Pray to God that Canon can fix my camera.
-Rub aloe on my sunburn.
-Try to forget about family.
-Wait for my love to get home and hold me.
-Watch my little lady sleep peacefully, despite skipping nap time and fighting me all day.
-Put together my calendar for the next month.
-Rewrite my item descriptions for my Etsy store Tortoise and Hare

All the while, I'm in a weird mood. Almost depressed. I just feel alone. I wish we weren't in this situation. I wish Olive had no Kidney issues. I wish money was easier to come by. I wish I could personally overcome a conflict that has been going on for years. I pray to God often that honesty will overcome evil and those that lay in it's path, but it seems my honesty will never be perceived as it is, rather shunned and twisted. One day he will be punished, I believe this with every fiber of my being, it is the only thing keeping me from breaking down. That and my relationship with God. I am so thankful for the life I have today. I am thankful for being free from his grasp. I am thankful to feel so much love from my husband and daughter and to know that it is unconditional. I love God for who he has helped me to be. A strong Mother and Wife. But I am human, so for now I will crawl up in a ball and pray.

(5 months old)

Love like no other

I love this man.

He is more than I could have ever asked for.

Thank you, God, for sending him to me.

I miss this

I wish I still had time to sew little girl dresses :[

But I am going to sew up 3 dresses for Olive

 with some gorgeous vintage fabric that I found.

I miss this dress, I sold it for far too little money.

Not doing Well

I have not been doing very well lately with my weight loss.

But I am getting back on track

Because I want to look like this again.

Highschool Senior Pictures

And like this...

Homecoming dress shopping

Goofy grin and all

But so thin, I CANT believe I thought I was fat then.

And this one is just for a laugh.

Freshman year in Highschool

How embarressing.... fishnet tank?? WOW

 

TRIPLE DIGITS :]

I DID IT! I MADE IT TO 100 SALES

One hundred and two to be exact. I feel so accomplished. I did it :] So I have been open for 6 months now (My online site Tortoise and Hare) 100 sales in 6 months for a new shop on Etsy is good. I see beautiful shops that have been open for a full year and hardly have 30 sales. I must be doing something right.

I work my butt off to make my customers happy, produce long lasting and professionally finished products, I advertise like a crazy person and I am always looking for the perfect fabrics (Sometimes I stay up until the sun comes up looking for awesome fabric on online Japanese stores)  I have put everything into my business since the first day I started. Though i did have times when I felt like I would go nowhere or that I couldn't do it. I got through those downs with the help from my husband Devin. He always pushes me to do my best and encourages me when things don't look so good. Thanks Hon!

I just wanted to share with my 13 followers (ha) that I have seen my dreams come true and for once things are looking up. -Now to just get through Olive's next surgery-

The sad news, I have hardly made a dent yet in all those medical bills that Olive has racked up,

 so why don't you go buy something for your little ones feet

or a Mother you know that needs a something special for her little one.

Browse through my designs at Tortoise and Hare Designs

"Mayhem is Coming"

I have been seeing these commercials for Allstate where, the actor Dean Winters, acts like a deer, a teenager, a dog and a squirrel. He says things like "I'm a confused deer" while wearing a suit and running into the street. For some reason these commercials CRACK ME UP. I pee my pants laughing every time they come on. I.love.them.

Here is a couple if you haven't seen them yet.

The deer one has got to be my favorite, the key is kinda stupid.

Get to Know Me: Part 1

20 Mommy Questions

How old were you when your first child was born?
-Eighteen
What month and year was your youngest child born?
Feb of 2009
How did you feel when you first found out you were pregnant?
Scared and lost but once the shocked cleared I was so excited.
Who did you tell first?
My husband
How many pounds did you gain during your first pregnancy?
Too many!
What did you crave while you were pregnant?
Everything and everything. Everyday it was something new that I had to have.
Did you find out the gender of your first child? Why or why not?
Yes, so I could prepare before she got here.
Did you have any complications during your pregnancy?
Yes. We found out at 16 weeks gest that Olive had a kidney disorder. My pregnancy it's self was hard because I had severe adema in my legs and feet and high blood pressure that made me have to take it easy my whole pregnancy and take meds 3 times daily. And I developed preclampsia at 34 weeks and had an emergency c-section.
How much did your first child weigh?
7lbs 6oz
Was your first child early, late, or on time?
6 weeks early
What is the most difficult challenge or health issue that any of your children have faced?
My daughter has a combination of disorders dealing with her kidneys and was in the nicu for a month. She has had two surgeries and we are planning on the next one being when she is around a year and a half. She also has been taking a daily antibiotic since she was born and will continue to take it until her last surgery or until she is 2.
What's your favorite part of being a mom?
The love this child has for me. I have never felt more loved in my life. I love solving her problems and soothing her. It's the best job ever.
Do you think it's easier to be a mom or a dad?
I think they are equal. My husband works two jobs, 80 hours a week. I wouldn't give up being a stay at home mom to do his job. But he can't do what I do. I think it's the perfect balance.
What is the best piece of advice you could give to someone who is about to have their first child?
Patience is the key.
Did you always think you'd have kids?
Yes, I was born to be a Mother.
What's been the biggest surprise about motherhood?
It's not as hard as everyone tells you it will be.
Are there things you miss about life before kids?
Yes, I miss my life, haha. But I wouldn't give my life up now for anything.
How many children do you have?
One.
Do you plan to have any more children?
Yes, I would like to have up to 4.
Who's the mom that you admire most?
 My Adopted Mom, Aurora. She has been there for me more than my real Mother and has helped me through so much. She is definantly the shoulder that I lean on and she always invites me right in. I am so thankful for her.

I am a Mother

I'd rather be a mother than anyone on earth

Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...

I'd rather tuck a little child safe and sound in bed

than twine a chain of diamonds about my [carefree] head

I'd rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes

Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise.

- Meredith Gray

Terrible Twos

Yep. I think we are already in the "terrible twos". Which is so overwhelming because Olive is only 16 almost 17 months old. It just seems like all I do all day is ignore tantrums, redirect and explain why she can't do certain things. I CAN NOT handle all the fits. I really can't. I am trying sooo hard though.

For example, I am making dinner. She wants her food, but I am not done. I tell her "Baby I am almost done, then you can eat and fill that empty belly. Just a few more minutes". (and it's not even that she is hungry but just that she wants what she wants) But she just throws herself on the ground and cries and cries and cries. I ignore it or redirect her. But I never give her what she is crying for. I don't want to be that parent that does anything to shut their kids mouth. I want her to learn that throwing a fit will get her nowhere with me. So far, she doesn't understand so I will just repeat repeat repeat! But I have got to tell you, I was not ready for all of this. I miss my sweet cooing, drooling, spitting up baby girl. Why can't we just keep them as babies forever? I would soooo go back to 3am feeding in exchange for the tantrums any day.

But for now I will just stay strong. I will not give in because I do not want a brat for a child. She has so much more potential than that. A firm hand is what I owe her.

So silly- Olive and Hephalump (7 months)

Disney Land 2010

I thought since I can't take new pictures of Olive (due to the death of my camera) and post about them, I would post some cute pictures from our trip to Disney Land. We went to Disney Land with the Mother in Law, Devin, Olive and myself. I had so much fun! I turned into the biggest kid, Devin and I rode lots of rides while the MIL watched Olive. MIL has been there MANY times so she let us enjoy it as much as we could. I felt like I was dating Devin again. We were like little teenagers, giggling and kissing in the lines. Holding hands on the rides and while we walked the park. I had such a wonderful time and I was so glad Olive was old enough to come. She rode the Nemo ride, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and the carousel. That was pretty much all that she was awake for.

Here are some cute photos of our trip:

(Olive at the Knotsberry Farm Resturant, it was NOT good)

Arriving at Disneyland

Devin mapping out our route

First ride Devin and I went on

One of the three hats we got her

It's Disneyland, you have to go overboard

Grumpy Olive in the Nemo line

My goofy Husband

Maria (MIL) Devin and Olive

Why am I not in any pictures?

1.I take them all because no one else will

2. I am fat and I do not liking being in pictures

Olive on the Nemo ride

Olive sized door

Devin on the Dumbo ride

Waiting in line for Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

Most amusing thing at Disneyland....

So tired she was histerical

On the train to the car

At the hotel

Now, please go buy some cute shoes for your baby's feet at Tortoise and Hare Designs so that I can buy a new camera :[

Eating Edamame while Sulking

This morning I was outside washing Olive's plastic toys with the hose while Olive was drawing on the stones with chalk. I put all her toys in a big plastic box and let them soak in bleach water. While they were disinfecting, I sat down and watched Olive play with her chalk. I thought she was just so cute and ran and got my camera... took some pictures than set the camera on this high table we have outside. I thought it was too tall for Olive to reach... I was wrong.

Olive grabbed my camera and ran over to the bucket of water. I was dragging the hose out to water the few plants we have in the back yard. Olive drops my camera into the bucket of BLEACH WATER. I saw it happen and ran over to the bucket dumped it out and ran over to a towel and disassembled it. I was too late. My Canon Powershot 1200 is dead. I am so sad.

My camera is my lively hood. I use my camera to take pictures of my baby shoes and post them on my shops site Tortoise and Hare. This is how I make money. Now I have no camera to take pictures with. I am sending in my phone to Canon to see what they can do but I know they will say it is not covered and I will be stuck with no camera. So for now all of my sales on Etsy will go to my new camera fund. I am so upset and sad. :[

So here I sit, typing and eating edamame while I try to not cry. And Olive? Olive is running around the house playing with her big giant pink ball. Like nothing has happened.

But I can't stay mad at Olive. She has no idea what she did. She didn't mean it. Just a curious little baby seeing if Mommy's camera floats... I still love her, a lot. Right before the death of my camera I got some cute pictures of Olive coloring, so enjoy.

Crazy morning curls

Seattle, Dairy and Nose Picking

Some things that are on my mind:

1. Devin, Olive and I are moving to Seattle! I have always wanted to live in Washington with all the rain! Oh it would just be a dream and it is coming true. Devin has a Design job lined up and once school is done (not much longer) we will be headed to the rainy city! I am more than excited. Devin's Uncle Memo lives up there and I just love him and his parter Tom. Two of the nicest people I have met. Not to mention the beautiful houses that are not made out of nasty stucco. And there will be greenery... no boulders and rocks for yard landscape. I can smell the grass now. I can not wait.

2. I have recently become Lactose Intolerant. Weird huh? For a week about 2 months ago I was getting really sick and I had no clue what was wrong. I went to the Doc and they concluded that I was Lactose Intolerant. So now I can't drink milk or eat cheese, which were the two reasons I was overweight so I am calling this a helping hand from God. Ha! I recently found some lactose free ice cream while skimming through my favorite coupon site Couponmom.com. So I can at least enjoy some vanilla ice cream once in awhile.

3. The past few days I have been sewing like a crazy person for my Etsy Shop Tortoise and Hare. I have been working on four new lines of baby shoes. Super cute! I will post some pictures once I am done with them all. But while I was ironing yesterday, Olive was sitting on the ground next to the ironing board picking her nose. I have never seen her do this! Where did she get this from? I mean she was just relaxing there picking her little nose with her little finger. Not sure how to handle this. ha ha.

And here is a cute photo to leave you with

(15 teeth and 16 months old)

Morning Walk

Olive and I go on a walk every morning to the park in our neighborhood. I enjoy our walks very much. She gets excited when she hears a bird or a dog. Her little feet make the cutest noise on the sidewalk. My favorite part by far is when she holds my hand. She knows to hold my hand when we cross the street and when she sees it coming she reaches for my hand. Then we hold hands until we get to the grassed area. I hold her sweaty hand and she holds my sweaty hand.

It's a wonderful feeling being a Mom. But sometimes I forget that she is mine. That she came from me. I get reminded when we hold her sweaty hands. I have had sweating hands since I was born, they are always clammy. When I hold her sweaty hands, my heart always warms up. She is from me.

When we walk I see our shadows on the pavement and I smile. She is so tiny. We walk by flowers, she points to the one she wants and I pick it for her. We do this about 3 times until she has a handful of various flowers grasped in her sweaty palm. She does not let them go. The whole walk home she holds them tight in her hand. When we get home she runs to the kitchen sink and points up. I pick her up and we, together, pin them to the window and throw away the old ones. We do this daily, it's our routine.

Then I put her on the ground, she looks up at her flowers than claps for herself. She is my baby. She comes from me.